


Two Conversations

by celli



Category: JAG
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-04-17
Updated: 2002-04-17
Packaged: 2017-10-12 20:49:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/128925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/celli/pseuds/celli
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The morning after, Harm and Mac style.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

15 FEB 2002  
1104 ZULU  
NORTH OF UNION STATION  
WASHINGTON, DC

A funny tickling sensation brought Harm slowly awake. After a moment of complete disorientation, he realized that his nose was buried in Sarah MacKenzie's hair, and he fought off both a smug grin and a sneeze.

His breathing must have changed, because Mac stirred slightly. "About time, sailor. I've been lying here for thirty-three minutes waiting for you to wake up."

"What time is it?"

One of her hands slid up his chest and toyed with his collarbone. "0604," she said. "I overslept."

"By a minute?"

She sounded fairly smug herself. "These things happen."

"So, as long as we're both up..." He tried to sound innocuous. "Wanna work out?"

She looked up at him. "I think after yesterday you should take it easy."

"Huh?" He'd never had to take it easy after sex before. Then he remembered. "Oh. The blood...thing."

"More like the fainting thing."

He flushed. "Right."

"We could do something else," she suggested.

He tilted his head to kiss her. Admittedly, they could both use some mouthwash, but it was still achingly sweet. "Here's a thought."

"Yeah?" She lifted an eyebrow.

Harm's chest went tight. "I think I should make us breakfast--" He choked out half a laugh at the look on her face--"and then I think we should have that talk."

It was physically painful to watch her face grow shuttered and wary again. "All right. Let me get my bag from the car."

***

Harm made a slightly longer production of the omelets than he needed to, but he suspected that Mac's shower was taking slightly longer than usual as well. _Stop expecting disaster!_ he warned himself sharply as he banged utensils around the kitchen. _It's trying to think three steps ahead that gets you in trouble every time you try to talk to her. Just relax--and for God's sake, don't try to be cute._ Not much of a pep talk, but it would have to do.

When Mac sat down at the counter in uniform, his heart sank another notch. She was back in full armor. And he felt woefully unprepared in boxers and a T-shirt, hair on end, still smelling of sex. But if he called a recess to take a shower, he might drown himself before he got up the nerve to talk.

"So," he said once she was poking suspiciously at her omelet. "Where do we start?"

"At the beginning, I guess." She squared her shoulders.

He gave an extended shrug. "Which one?"

"How about the one where you looked at me and saw a dead lover?" Even she looked surprised at the bitterness in her voice.

Harm looked down. "Have I ever apologized for that?"

"It's not your fault, Harm."

"What you look like--what Diane looked like--no. But I could have reacted better. I could have explained myself--"

She waved him off. "I don't hold it against you. I just--I don't think you understand. Those first few years, sometimes I felt like I was wearing someone else's face."

"Mac. Sarah." Harm waited until she met his eyes, then looked at the picture next to his door. "I do understand. Which is why I feel particularly guilty. I know what it's like when someone flinches every time they see your face." He reached out and ran a finger down the olive lapel of her jacket. "I should have made it clear I always knew which one of you was in front of me. Even when you were the one in a white uniform. Even when I wanted to pretend otherwise."

Her eyes were bright, but some of the stiffness was gone from her posture. "Your omelet's getting cold," she said thickly, but they were both smiling when they bent their heads to their plates.

***

After a nearly comfortable silence, Harm took a deep breath and said, "Australia."

Her head snapped up. "Oh, God. Do we have to?"

"Sarah, we've made a hundred mistakes, you and me. I'll spend the rest of my life talking them through, if you want. But I don't think either of us has gotten past that night. And unless we do..." He thought of the sharp pain every time he saw another man's ring on Mac's hand; of struggling to love Renee; of the kiss on the Admiral's porch that had robbed him of any sense of honor. "We have to put it behind us one way or the other."

After a long pause, Sarah looked up at him. "I need to ask you something."

"Okay."

"If our positions had been reversed that night, if I had been the one saying 'not yet,' what would your reaction have been?"

He laughed shortly. "I hope I would have dealt with it as well as you did. I always thought I was lucky you didn't just rip my throat out on the spot."

"I did entertain a few fantasies..." She stopped smirking. "Would you have turned to someone else as--that quickly?"

He struggled for honesty. "I don't know. If I were hurt badly enough."

"But you can't forgive me for doing the same."

"I can't forgive myself for driving you to it."

"I suppose that's the heart of this, Harm. Why _did_ you do it? Why 'not yet'?"

"Would you believe 'because I'm the world's stupidest man'?" he asked hopefully. He could see her retreat again. "I'm sorry, Sarah. Please--wait--"

He walked around the island on leaden feet and sank onto the stool beside her. It took physical effort to look her in the eye, but he was not going to be a coward again.

"I have gone over that conversation time after time after time. There was one logical reason for me to say no to you--our positions at JAG--and you were right, it was just a weak excuse. I should have said yes. Hell, you shouldn't have had to ask at all. I wanted-- I _do_ want--" He choked down the waves of emotion rising in his throat, certain that if he didn't say exactly the right thing exactly right now, she'd turn away. And he was never going to get another chance.

She didn't turn away, though. For the first time since she'd left his bed that morning, she reached out to him, lacing her fingers with his. "What do you want, Harm?"

"Everything," he said simply. "I--I want to put you _before_ everything, Sarah. I wasn't lying last night, when I told you I'd give up flying for you. I've never cared--I--" He stopped and took one deep shuddering breath. "I've never cared this much about any woman."

Sarah shook her head, but he held up a hand. "Wait. I know what you're going to say. I loved Diane, I know, but we both decided to put our careers first. With you--I looked at you on the ferry that night and I thought, screw my career!" A startled laugh escaped him. "I don't know who I _am_ without my job, Sarah. It terrified me. It still does."

"Then why..." She trailed off.

He reached up and barely brushed her face with his free hand. "Losing you terrifies me more."

She turned her face into his hand. "You know, for the world's stupidest man--and I'm not denying it--you say some pretty smart things."

He could feel a hot burning along the backs of his eyes. "Sarah?"

"I love you too, Harm." And then her lips were on his.

He pulled her close and laughed in sheer relief. "I do love you, Mac. I do!"

"Now, that wasn't so hard, was it?" She hugged him back tightly.

He laughed again. "Yes!"


	2. Chapter 2

15 FEB 2002  
1356 ZULU  
JAG HEADQUARTERS  
FALLS CHURCH, VA

Harm swallowed hard as the elevator doors closed. "Remind me again why I'm doing this?" he asked quietly, even though he and Mac were alone on the elevator.

"Because," Mac said, "we both agreed that Harriet would figure it out within ten minutes *anyway,* so we'd better get to the Admiral while we can."

"Yes, but why am *I* doing this?"

"Because you insisted. It's a guy thing, you said. It's more appropriate, you said. The Admiral's used to me making a fool of myself, you--"

"Thanks," he said hastily.

"You're not chickening out now, are you, Commander?" Mac asked. The doors began to open.

"I'd like to. You can stop snickering any time now."

She patted him on the back as they stepped out. "Just close your eyes and think of England."

"Gee, thanks," he said. But there was a faint smile on his face as he made his way across the bullpen.

***

"At ease, Commander," Admiral Chegwidden said. "Have a seat."

"Thank you, sir."

"Is this about the Fulton court-martial?"

"Ah, no." Harm stared fixedly at his clasped hands. "I'm afraid it's personal, sir."

He heard the Admiral settle into his chair with a sigh. "Wonderful. What is it this time, Rabb?"

Harm realized that his fingers had gone numb. He relaxed his grip a little. "I need to bring a fraternization issue to your attention, sir."

"Fraternization between--?"

"Myself and Lieutenant Colonel MacKenzie." Harm braced himself for the blast of temper, but after a long silence, all he heard was, "Huh."

Harm dared to look up. "Sir?"

The Admiral was wearing his most neutral expression. "How long has this been going on?"

"Just...I...uh...last night. Sir." His fingers were getting numb again.

"Huh," the Admiral said again.

"We understand that regulations require the immediate transfer of at least one of us. Of course, we're both prepared to comply with whatever orders you--"

"Rabb. Shut up."

"Yes, sir."

The two men stared at each other for another small eternity. Finally, Admiral Chegwidden stood and walked over to his window. "Do you think about your career much, Commander?"

Harm managed a half-smile. "Mostly when I'm trying not to torpedo it, Admiral."

"I imagine that takes quite a bit of your time," the older man said dryly. Harm's smile faded.

"Rabb," Chegwidden said after another silence, "I think that you spend a lot of time thinking about your *job.* The case you're arguing, the plane you're flying...that sort of thing."

Caught off guard, Harm nodded.

"But where is your career going?" The Admiral waved a hand around him. "Do you want this office? Do you want to be the Judge Advocate General of the Navy one day?"

"I--" He swallowed as the truth of it hit him between the eyes. It seemed this was the day for revelations. "Yes, sir, I do. Very much."

"I see."

Harm leaned forward. "But, Admiral--I'm not going to sacrifice my relationship with Colonel MacKenzie for my career. I can't."

Admiral Chegwidden fixed him with another unreadable look. Then, for the first time since Harm had entered the room, he smiled. "Very good, Commander."

Harm quite nearly stopped breathing. "Sir?"

Chegwidden stepped to his desk and hit his intercom. "Tiner!"

"Yes, sir?"

"Send Colonel MacKenzie in."

Mac entered with a speed that implied she'd been standing next to Tiner the entire time. "You asked to see me, sir?"

The Admiral drew himself up to his full height. "Lt. Colonel MacKenzie. Commander Rabb."

Harm jumped to his feet and joined Mac at attention. "Yes, sir!" they said in unison.

"For some time now, the Inspector General and I have been discussing how to improve cooperation between our two offices. We have decided to transfer one lawyer into his chain of command. Colonel MacKenzie--"

Harm bit back an automatic protest under the Admiral's glare.

"You will be taking on additional responsibility in investigations and cases that fall under the OIG's jurisdiction."

"Yes, sir!" she said quickly.

"However, you will remain based out of this office, and you will continue to take cases here whenever possible, as long as they do not come into conflict with your OIG work or with Commander Rabb's cases. Is that acceptable to you, Colonel?"

Harm stole a glance at her and saw the smile she couldn't quite keep off her face. "Absolutely, sir."

"However, if this relationship interferes with your work, both of you will deal with me. Is that understood?" He didn't even wait for an answer before snapping, "Dismissed!"

Harm was almost to the door, trying not to look at Mac for fear he'd start laughing with glee at the least appropriate time, when he heard the Admiral's voice again. "Harm? Mac?"

They turned around.

The Admiral grinned at them. "It's about damn time."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew! Now I know why they don't resolve this stuff on the show. It's *hard*!
> 
> I'd like to thank everyone who sent feedback all the way through and encouraged me to keep writing. You know what they say--if a writer posts a story and there's no feedback, did the tree really fall...? *g* Or something like that, anyway.
> 
> And as always, I have to thank my beta readers par excellence, AeroGirl--who writes such good stuff, I'm always extra thrilled when she likes something of mine--and Jen, my partner in crime, who reads everything I write even when she doesn't follow the fandom, and always listens to me complain about the talkative military lawyers in my head. You guys are the *best*!
> 
> Thanks as well (again) to the JAG Writers Workshop list, because they're always there when I have random trivia questions at two in the morning, and they don't shoot me when the trivia decides it doesn't belong in the story after all. :)

**Author's Note:**

> Whew! Now I know why they don't resolve this stuff on the show. It's *hard*!
> 
> I'd like to thank everyone who sent feedback all the way through and encouraged me to keep writing. You know what they say--if a writer posts a story and there's no feedback, did the tree really fall...? *g* Or something like that, anyway.
> 
> And as always, I have to thank my beta readers par excellence, AeroGirl--who writes such good stuff, I'm always extra thrilled when she likes something of mine--and Jen, my partner in crime, who reads everything I write even when she doesn't follow the fandom, and always listens to me complain about the talkative military lawyers in my head. You guys are the *best*!
> 
> Thanks as well (again) to the JAG Writers Workshop list, because they're always there when I have random trivia questions at two in the morning, and they don't shoot me when the trivia decides it doesn't belong in the story after all. :)


End file.
